nobody knows...da trouble I seen


Although quietly remembered as Big Richard's very first guitarist, little else is known about Paul Buckman other than he was married to Helen Hunt in "Mad About You". His musical background, however, goes back to his pre-teen years where at the age of twelve he played accordian every week on the selectively popular local TV show "Mittelwesten arische TanzPartei". Oddly enough, his prolonged exposure to the sound of the accordian made it virtually impossible for him to get a suntan. After years of being called "Pale Buckman" he decided to take up the guitar. A quick study, Paul was ready to play in a band by age 16. Doing mostly sock-hops and school dances, his first band "Kenny & The Kream-Tones" (although no one was actually named Kenny) played such cover staples as "Poodle-Skirt Shag", "Lipstick & Stickshifts", and countless other great hits made from those same 4 chords. After awhile, Paul became restless and began looking for a hipper, newer sound, especially since it was already 1978. It was an old one-hit wonder song "The Ballad of Jimmy Sunshine" that inspired Paul to form "The Marshmellow Marmalade Plastic Bananna Experience". From their name and their brightly colored wardrobe you would expect them to be stoned-out flower children, or at least just homosexual, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Their songs attacked the establishment and demanded the immediate withdrawal of troops from Viet Nam, suggesting in their lyrics that it was nothing more than a cash cow for the defense industries, whose major stockholders included many politicians and even the vice president! Now even though the Viet Nam war had actually ended 7 years earlier, the MMPB Experience, and especially their leader Paul, were considered "commies" by the FBI, CIA, and even the FDA (too many food references I suppose), and were put on the nation's top 100 "SUBVERSIVE INCENDIARY SEDITIOUS INSURGENT TREASONOUS INSURRECTIONARY TRAITOROUS UNPATRIOTIC ELEMENTS OF SOCIETY THAT NEED TO DIE BECAUSE THEY'RE SCARY OR VERY VERY ANNOYING" list (revised later in 1998 after the FBI's ill-fated "Nauvoo Grape Festival Incident" of '97). Because of this, in December of 1981, Paul went into hiding after a failed assasination attempt by government agents who tried to kill him by backmasking accordian sounds through the stereo speakers in his tanning booth. This plan backfired, not only because the sounds were revealed before it was too late by the already backmasked satanic messages in the Led Zeppelin album Paul was playing at the time, but because the attempt left his face so badly burned that he was able to escape unrecognized. Given Paul's charred (and yet still handsomely tanned) appearance, he changed his name to "Pole Blackman" and moved from town to town until finally returning to the midwest and taking refuge with a mysterious clan of cave painting bears. It was here he helped create the band that would later be known as "Big Richard", and things were great, until one Saturday night while playing at the Tri-States Illuminati "Fudpuckers" Ham Radio Club Halloween Party, Paul met a girl named "Kelly", who he instantly fell in love with. However, later that night it became obviously apparent to Kelly that "Pole Blackman" was definitely NOT a black man. The next day her suspicions got the best of her, and she took what very little DNA sample he left her to the police. Paul was subsequently arrested for sedition and spent the next 2 years behind bars. Released in 2005, Pole, I mean Paul, has been living the quiet life in a log cabin south of Kinderhook, IL where he spends his time scouring the internet for instructions on making a biological weapon that he can use to not only get back at those who wrongly imprisoned him, but that he can use to force the government to bring our troops back from this God-awful jungle war once and for all.




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