I just want to help you. really.

Lee spent the first 13 years of his life known as "The Alligator Boy" in a traveling circus freak show. One night, after a show outside Butte MT, he was abducted by the Air Force and taken to the Area 51 Facilities. He cannot recall the next several years. But somewhere around age 19, he found himself in a field in Iowa, and instinctively hopped the next bus to Hoboken, NJ. It was there that Leroy, whose lifelong dream had been to teach dyslexics how to jumprope, discovered his love for rock and roll while watching "The Partridge Family" at a Hoboken bar. He bought his first guitar at a yard sale with money he made licking stamps and envelopes for the saliva-impaired, and taught himself how to play through a mail correspondence course. In 1996, he sold everything but his pet zebu and a paperback copy of "I'm OK, You're OK," and moved to the Quincy area. It was here Lee had marginal success as singer for tribute band "The David Cassidy Experience". However, when the bus became too expensive to maintain, the band broke up in 1996. Disillusioned, Lee shaved his head and joined the Mormon death-metal band "Avenge Carthage" who, regrettably, only played one gig. After restitution and time served for the infamous "Nauvoo Grape Festival Incident" Lee gave up his musical dream until he met Jamie Fenton at an AA meeting. Eventually they hooked up with Randy Williams, who at that time was still shape-shifted in the form of a Great Cave Bear, and joined the band Big Richard. When Lee wasn't belting it out for Big Rich fans, he could be found peddling kitchen-ware on city street corners. Lee is also a former elevator operator, accomplished yodeler, and member of the prestigious "Young Republicans for the Ethical Treatment of Hermaphrodites" movement. He lives comfortably in Quincy with his family in a burned out warehouse and, although he can never father his own offspring, Lee and his lovely wife Joyce enjoy the company of their six children from her numerous extra-marital affairs.

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